I finally mustered enough guts to start moving on. I feel like you are completely away now and I took it as my cue to turn this chapter of my book, to start anew.
I said I'll always have you in my heart and I don't think that's changing. You will always have and hold this huge portion of my heart, that no matter where life brings us, will remain the same.
For tonight, I surrender completely. All the open wounds, every inch of pain that I have in my heart I expose and take in. I want to feel every bit of it, and slowly move forward. I know that for a month now I have been realizing things and denying them, covering up obvious facts though the better me knows how stupid it seems.
I know I was loved, but it was not enough.
I know you changed, yet it was a tad too late.
I know you cared, but you could have cared more.
I know you said I was "the best and the one for you", but you failed to show me that, nor prove it even after I said goodbye.
I know you don't want to hear this coming from me, because you'd say it's the opposite, but I'll say it anyhow, you made me feel unworthy of anything. You made me feel like whatever I did, it would never be enough to make you treat me well. Well enough that you'd be able to hold back and pause whenever you get mad.
You made me feel these so much that I actually ended up believing them.
I feel like a lost cause.
I need to get these feelings and thoughts away from my system. I need to feel better about myself. I need to be reminded by myself that I am not who I learned to believe I was.
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I've completely lost direction with my post. Just like myself I guess. I lost a whole lot of me.
If you're reading this, you have to be someone I know. Be wise enough to not mock me on this whenever.
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